Meeting with my Bishop... smart advice

I've gotta say im very appreciative to have the bishop that I do now. His wisdom and council surely mean a lot to me and i feel that he truly thinks things through as he should. He said many things tonight that were very good for me to hear. He emphasized on marriage, family, missions, and education. I have felt nervous at times about serving a mission and not because of the mission itself but because my blessing and the bishop have been encouraging marriage more then a mission. I wish that were the case like I had planned on but things took a turn in a different direction and now im left floating around without a plan. (drives me nuts to not have a plan) He said that he doesnt know a single sister missionary that has ever regreted her mission or had anything to complain about. He said that a lot of good could come from it except sisters of the church are strongly encouraged to focus on education and starting a family. well my education is wishy washy because im so clueless and stuck on what it is I truly want to do. Ive got my medical schooling started and completed as far as I need but now I dont want to even go into the medical field. I do realise however that all of this has happened so fast. marriage, the split, a mission. all of which are huge transitions for me and its important to not force myself to heal too fast by rushing into another (for lack of a better word) "project." Its important for me to be patient with myself and not run myself out or exhaust my mind trying to figure every single thing out right now. The bishop is going to ponder my decision faithfully and get back to me on the council part of it soon. He made me feel so welcome to the ward and happy about my decision yet also gave me important forward advice. I sincerely told him that i feel i should follow the peacefulness i get from wanting to serve a mission and prepare for that unless something tells me different. I told him I truly feel that I would regret not going if I looked back on it. But as ive said and learned before all things are subject to change according to the Lords plans for us. Also another thing that I must be aware of is that i have a tendency to be in serious relationships because im in love with being in love. I want to find the right one now and not waste anymore time but it feels like no matter what the relationship is great then suddenly doesnt work out. I feel that it could be a sign that i need to go out and serve in order for my future husband and family to fall into place how it should. The bishop suggested I start taking the institute missionary prep classes and i was so happy walking back out to the car. I feel like I have a direction again. A path that I can rely on myself to make happen. The bishop really targeted the fact that our prophets have all stated that there truly is no designed significant other out there waiting for you in the world. They have stated that two people in love with eachother with unwaivering testimonies of the gospel and same goals can last forever. Whatever the Lords hands are upon, LIVES. If one lets doubt seep in, then it takes a huge toll on the relationship because no commitment can be carried by just one person alone. In other words, you can have true love with anyone you have the same desires with so long as youre both living righteously and never take eachother for granted. I know how difficult a mission is and thats what makes me want to serve one so badly. I want to discipline myself and work hard to reach out. I want to earn the reward of it not just have it given to me. I have that strong desire to better myself. i have the desire to serve. So for now, im going to be preparing for it the best I can and if its not meant to happen i know that ill get that answer. Just going to keep pressing forward and pay attention to everything along the way. We just had family prayer and Wes was kind enough to ask the spirit to guide me and comfort me in the right direction. I feel at peace and like my vision is super clear. Its little things like that and prayers and messages of love that are helping me get through all of this. I love you all so much thanks again for all your sweet text messages, voicemails, concern and support. every bit of it makes all the difference for me! Im so grateful!


love, ash