busy as a bee: work, school, missionaries, testimony, preparation

So obviously Ive been busy being how its the 8th of December and I last wrote on the 5th. Im balancing college classes, missionary prep stuff, and two jobs that go from 9:30am to 8:00 pm Monday through Friday. I have a lot on my plate but if I dont stay busy I get to carried away with things of unimportance. Like the fact that I miss Justin every single day I dont see him anymore. Like the fact that my family seems so distant and how bad I want them to have the gospel in their lives. Or the fact that I dont know my birth father and he doesnt know of me and lately Ive been so eager to find him somehow. Those are just a few examples of things that we could all let get us distracted or we could use as motivation to achieving our dreams and knowing that the future could hold the solution to all of those worries if we rely on our faith.

Saturday was incredible. I met the sister missionaries at the st. george temple visitors center. (sister Stafford and sister Page) Ive decided to go out with them once a week til I leave in August on my mission. That way I can get a feel for things right now and be better prepared. They are such awesome girls.
We first went on a split and dropped off sister Stafford while sister Page and I went to our first investigators. The woman seemed a little stressed and asked to reschedule til next week. We drove all that way to find out she just didnt feel like having it that day anymore. (introducing my first let down in mission work)
its a bummer having that happen but thats just true missionary life. People will be taught when they are ready to be and we must pray and rely on the spirit while we wait patiently and continue trying. I guess the biggest part of frustration is that we have the most important message in the world to share with people and the peace that will come into their homes and lives because of it will testify in their own hearts that its true. Some people have excuses like their favorite TV show is on, or they arent feeling well but if they only knew that our message and testimonies would be of much greater worth then anything on TV, then they would simply turn the TV off for a half hour. If they arent feeling well, hearing the lessons of the gospel would only make them feel better and bring a sense of light into their home. This is the unknown that we must teach to be.. known!
We went door-to-door for a little while and to a couple other referrals but then ended up back with sister Stafford where we dropped her off first. She was going over what we believe in the law of chastity and how our Savior delights in those who are chaste and clean. As we shared with this female investigator our testimonies of how this standard has changed our lives and can bring peace to all those who follow it, I was overwhelmed with the warm feeling of the spirit. Tears came to my eyes as this woman thanked us for all we shared with her. She softly spoke of needing to repent for having her daughter. We smiled and told her the Lord delights in children and that her daughter is in no way a sin, but she is in fact a huge blessing to her life. Now she may use her free agency to teach her daughter truth and light of what shes experienced and come to know. The sin part is being immoral before marriage which we explained to her obviously brings alot of pain, children left fatherless or the feelings of regret and sorrow.
She agreed with us. She said that being immoral was a decision she wishes she would of thought more seriously about and that even though she loves her daughter, stress has come from all of it with no longer having the father around.
We explained that intercourse is called "making love" because love itself is so sacred that it should be kept between man and wife, only after making sacred covenants with eachother and the Lord. Otherwise, whats not bound with proper authority cannot be bound in Heaven. We explained the importance of families being together forever to never be seperated.

We let her know that we are here on earth to gain a mortal body, experience trials to help us grow, replentish the earth with families, and make it back to him in Heaven where families truly are forever. Being chaste not only shows respect for your body and spirit but also respect to our father in heaven who knows all of us individually. He wants us to be happy so he gives us commandments to obey. To protect us from harm and sorrow.

She exclaimed how she agrees with all we've taught her, that this has brought her so much happiness and she wants to be baptized!!!
(introducing my first excitement of missionary work!) this is why missionaries are here. Peace! That is what she kept saying we brought her. This is the reason we eagerly search for those in need of the truth and want to know the true purpose of this life, which in return we gain true happiness from.
I explained to her how I used to walk a crooked complicated path,



I explained how I understand how she must feel because there was a time I lived without the gospel and didnt realize how clouded my perception was until I gained this strong testimony I have now. I personally know that it is far better with the gospel than life without the gospel. Its like a candle without light. Without it our lives are useless. With the truth, our lives are well lived and we prepare for greater things to come. We left her, feeling acheived that we could do her so much good.



Im so eager to get out there and do this every single day. I want to lose myself in the service and forget about my worldly worries or desires. I want to strive to be a better person each day. More giving, more kind, harder working, more patient, tolerant, faithful, and so forth. If I expect my husband to have all those qualities and be a return missionary to one day marry in the temple, then why not have the same amount to offer of myself? I know i will gain so much from this mission and it will bless me to be better fit for my great future ahead. I hope I get to speak another language of some kind so I can always have that knowledge.

We had many people we taught that night and I loved praying in the car before each discussion. Its awesome completely relying on the Lord and forgetting ourselves, to go to work for others. I have never felt the spirit so strong before like i did throughout that whole day. Seeing the difference we make in peoples lives and the smiles on their faces makes everything so worth the effort. I took the sisters back to their car so that we could go home and all i wanted to do was keep studying scriptures. ive never in my life been so absorbed in it. I know that since ive made the decision to be a missionary, I now have some sort of protection over me or something. I feel as if no unwholesome influence can distract my desire to study and prepare. I love it. I love that Im doing this entirely on my own and even though im the only active member of the church in my whole family, (gets hard and lonely sometimes) I know that I can do this and Im not giving up. I know that I have so much to offer as a person and I never want to settle where im currently at or with who I am at present. I want to continue gaining my education through school, practicing my talents I love, involving myself with things that help me spiritually grow, keeping fit at the gym, surrounding myself with those who love and care about me and seeing all im capable of. I have so much to prove to myself.

I bore my testimony in church this Sunday for the first time in over three years I believe. It was scary before I got up there I admit. My stomach would not stop grawling so loud so I knew it was like the spirit was tapping my shoulder and nudging me to get up there. I shared with them that im new to the ward and briefly explained my current status and situation with my marriage and my mission plans. I explained how grateful I am to serve and that I truly love this church and appreciate Christs plan of redemption for us through his sacrafice. I have never felt better then I did walking down from there feeling as if Heavenly Father was so pleased. The bishop still hasnt gotten back to me on the counsel part of me wanting to serve a mission but Im not letting it discourage me at all. The sister missionaries are so close to inspiration. They both said before I leave for the mission ill be tempted. Things will try and get in the way and keep me from going because Satan knows the good that missionaries bring which means lesser sins to be committed, more families saved, greater happiness found and he will do everything he can to keep everyone from happiness. Thing is I wont fail. This is my focus and my destiny so Ill conquer what I set out for with faith in the Lord to direct my paths.

The sister missionaries warned me,
"Ashley, its important to listen to the patriarchs wisdom of your blessing, your bishops counsel, your friends and familys encouragement but most importantly you must know that you have already recieved your inspiration that this is the right direction for you. Even though the church doesnt openly encourage sisters to go on missions as much as elders, you must know that there are specifically chosen sisters that have that ability and duty to share and preach the gospel. It also states in D&C that whosoever has the desire to serve, has been called to do the work.
Christ himself has said, if thou love me, feed my sheep. The prophets have all stated that we need to preach the gospel to all people. So let us tell you that Satan will work on you sooo hard to get you not to go through with this and its your job to not give up but to press forward with faith and all will be better off in your life from then on because of it. Your mission prepares you and shapes you for the rest of your life"

Im excited to start on this journey in faith with knowing that

"in the end, all is well! If its not well, its not the end"